Some of you may have noticed I have been absent from the magical realms of WordPress in the last few weeks. Others may have been laughing at cats on YouTube, or masturbating chronically to pictures of Helen Mirren. I don’t know, it’s your life, dammit.

I actually ended up in hospital a few weeks back, after a most excellent evening at my work’s Christmas ‘do… from what I can remember I Gangnam Styled into the early hours, vomited down the steps of a casino and lost my purse in a post box. I also drank so many White Russians that the place ran out of cream. Hellz to the yeah! Amidst this frantic night of drunkeness and clearly amazing dancing, I also forgot to take any insulin. Then the day after, having not taken any insulin, I was too sick to move, thus not taking any insulin then either. By the time I started vomiting through my eyes (slight exaggeration) I started to realise ‘I might be quite sick here’ and did a blood test, followed by a ketones test and came to the conclusion of HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I was admitted to hospital with Diabetic Keto-Acidosis and stayed there for a few days, nibbling on dire portions of shepherd’s pie and some sort of custard-based liquid.

So that’s where I’ve been. And where the fuck were you with my grapes? You selfish bastard.

Since then I have been fine, I’ve put up a chicken calendar in the kitchen and have watched Jurassic Park several times over, which are fairly regular and non-dangerous activities. Christmas was also bearable, and New Year came and went in a blaze of glory and immense sausage-roll consumption. I haven’t much news of importance to pass on as the past few weeks I have mostly been sitting on my ass, though what a fine ass-sitting time it has been.

But now I appear to still be alive and am back with a vengeance… normal Insanity Aquarium service shall be resumed hopefully next week, and I shall more than likely return to my regular blog-stalking duties soon. Don’t be surprised should your search term statistics for ‘naked sumo-wrestling’ increase over the next few days. Nothing to do with me though, honest.

Anyway, I’ve missed you guys. I hope you’ve missed me too. And what has this whole experience taught me? That Gangnam Style always ends in hospitalisation. Always.