Bunny Waffles

Conversation Ends I Wish I’d Heard the Whole of

You should just whack a snake on your face, it gives the same effect.

It didn’t smell so much like stagnant water as rancid milk mixed with Indian food.

We didn’t ever find out how it got there, but the doctor said it was the biggest, you know, ‘sex accident’ thing he’d ever pulled out. Which probably explains how it got there, actually.

He’d cut the diseased bit off and replaced it with a piece of broccoli, and managed to feed his family for years, but the doctor’s said he’ll never reproduce again.

We used that picture of the balloons to advertise it, so she didn’t come for moral reasons.

Yeah, slime everywhere. No, EVERYWHERE. Yeah it was… yeah. No, we didn’t, we just had to get out as soon as possible because Karen was coming home and we had to take the kids somewhere safe incase she called the social again.

If you’re not back at Keith’s for 20:00 tonight I’m calling the police this time, and maybe you can explain to them what you were doing down at the park with the dogs and a pair of fake tits.

I’m not being mean, but like, his torso is far too rubbery- and if I’m honest I haven’t forgiven him yet for the uh, thing that happened at the- yeah. No, I’m not going to split up with him until after my birthday. I just hope he doesn’t get the cake from there. I would literally die.

Giant flies will destroy us all.

It isn’t the tie, John, it’s the last forty years.

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This entry was published on August 3, 2013 at 20:59. It’s filed under Weird & Wonderful and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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