I have wrote about the joys of the horror channel previously, but I thought I would share with you tonight a film of such epically terrible proportions, that I have tears streaming down my cheeks right now through laughter. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Zoltan: Hound of Dracula.
What’s it about? Well, I’m not sure actually. Something to do with Michael Dracula and some family camping, or something. There’s also some dude who’s travelled thousands of miles to save the day, who also happens to have a cabin a couple of minutes away from the campsite, conviniently. Oh, there are also some scary looking dogs.
My favourite part was when the Dad found a dead puppy and put it in his hat, so he could bury it later. Other highlights include yelling awkwardly from your camper van to other campers to engage in camping talk, dogs sounding like lawn mowers, and the greatest fight scene I have ever seen in my life.
I would recommend watching this film if literally the only other option you have is chewing off your own hands for amusement. It’s one of those films where you wonder how it was ever commissioned, made money, or has ever seen the light of day again… though with facial expressions like this flashing at you every five seconds, I suppose it is a bit of a cinematic marvel. It gave me a chuckle over my pepperoni pizza, and that’s all you can ever ask for.