Bunny Waffles


I am going to talk today about antidepressant withdrawal in a plain and likely non-humorous way. I have been on various antidepressants for numerous years, there was a stage in which I was taking a different pill every two weeks or so, my doctor claimed my condition ‘didn’t exist’ and made me balance paper on my hands in an attempt to disprove I was suffering trembling as a side effect, but that’s a different story. It was in this period of time that I also discovered a love for tiny donuts, so it wasn’t all that bad.

For the past year or so I have been taking Mirtazipine, which has the benefit of being a sleep aid also when taken in small doses. However due to my distance from the doctors and long working hours, I haven’t had the time to collect my prescription in the last few weeks, and have promptly ran out of these tablets… although maybe I haven’t collected it to see what will happen, or maybe I was getting tired of people telling me that constant medication wasn’t healthy and that if I just tried non-medicated life, maybe it wouldn’t be all that bad. Maybe. Either way, I have not swallowed a Mirtazipine tablet in about a week now- the slips of paper in the packs warn you against sudden discontinuation- but how bad can it be? Let me describe this to you.

I feel sick and my head hurts quite a lot. I can’t concentrate properly and keep making mistakes at work. Which is all very bad, but generally tolerable. But the strangest effect is the face ache, in the literal sense of the word. I keep tensing up my ears and cheeks, and furrowing my brow, screwing up my nose, and I’m sat there thinking that I need to stop it because everyone can see, but I just can’t. I’m wanting to stop while I’m doing it, so I stop it, and then start it again. Then after a short while I realised what I was trying to do: my jaw is slightly off-centre and I’ve realised I keep lining my teeth up inside my mouth so they’re symmetrical. The only trouble is, as my jaw isn’t set in that way and it falls slightly to the left, it’s really fucking painful to have it central, and also makes me look a bit weird. So why can’t I stop?

Well, the internet says that people with OCD (I have OCPD) are more likely to tense their muscles in an obsessive kind of way; the unconscious mind does it even when the general consciousness doesn’t want to. Does that make sense? Probably not. It started a few days after I wasn’t taking the tablets anymore, although as a child I remember tensing my arm and leg joints repeatedly in a certain order because it made me feel better. I have no idea why. Perhaps my OCD tendencies are rising to the surface more quickly because of the dramatic lack of sweet, sweet drugs in my system. I have no idea. I’m still doing the face thing now. Make it stop.

I am collecting more tablets this week sometime so I am sure it will all be fine. I have posted this slightly on the brink of insanity, but it’s all in good fun, I’m sure. Plus I drew this picture at work which I think describes my situation perfectly. Maybe. I don’t know. My cheeks are twitching quite a bit.


Much love, Anna x

This entry was published on 20/11/2012 at 20:17. It’s filed under Medical Oddities and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

10 thoughts on “Faceache

  1. I remember doing the tensing of muscles when I was a kid… I know that I definitely used to line up my teeth in my mouth like what you’re doing, and I too must have a crooked jaw, because like you say, it hurts, and also changes the look of your face, lol

    It’s fine to try and not take medications in your life, but it’s definitely better to do it under supervision of some sort… Perhaps there’s a Doc out there that will actually listen to you, and work with you on exploring the removal of a medication… Or perhaps there are some healthier herbal supplements or some such thing

    Just getting off it, though not planned, can definitely mess with you… It’s a Chemistry thing mostly I think

    I remember years ago when I ran out of money and got off my Hear Medicine… For like two weeks, when I’d get angry, I couldn’t come down… And I know it was a Chemistry thing

    The worse part of it was I was on my Honeymoon when I was going through this form of withdrawal, Lol

    We were staying at a nice place in San Francisco, and I think that I was under the impression that we were supposed to Get a Full Blown Breakfast, and all we got was some little Blueberry Muffins (Don’t get me wrong, I Love Blueberry Muffins, Lol), and I was so upset about it, and I couldn’t calm down… It was at that moment that I was like “Hmm… I must be going through a Chemical Withdrawal”

    It sucked, Lol

    Other than that, after I had a major Panic Attack like 9 years ago, and I was on Zanix for a bit… I tried to slowly work myself off of it… And boy that stuff doesn’t wanta let you go, Lol

    I remember laying on the floor watching T.V., and feeling like the Floor suddenly dropped like 8 or 10 feet… The thing was, I was already on the Floor, Lol

    Yean, Beware of Zanix, Yikes, Lol

    One of the things that I’ve found hard over years, as I’ve been on some sort of Medicine for the last 17 years, is even if your great about taking it… Sometimes you just forget

    There doesn’t seem to be around it, yah know

    And, like you, sometimes you Run Out… I’ve done that from time to time… Because man, don’t you just get tired of remembering all of that @#$@! sometimes, Argh

    I’m good about taking medicine… But I am definitely not Perfect

    Some are scarier than others to forget, and/or have stronger reactions.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this right now… That is a Very Difficult thing… And like you say, some say not to get off them quickly for a reason I guess.

    I feel for you, hang in there, you’ll get your magic jellybeans soon, and the mutations should stop, Hee Hee

    But, yeah, once you’re back on it… Maybe someday you can work with someone to reduce your meds… Forget about the people who say you shouldn’t be on any… In some cases it’s true that you can find Supplements, or can just live with things… But in some cases, it’s not a good idea to go without them… A lot of it comes down to ‘Quality’ of life… And to be honest, people who don’t need any more of medicine have really no idea what it is to ‘need’ some sort of medicine.

    Like I say, sometimes it’s for your physical health, but sometime it’s for your ‘Quality of Life’… And Quality of Life is Hugggggge don’t let anyone tell you differently

    I have a Phenomenal Internist… He Blends Western Medicine with Eastern Medicine, and much much more… He doesn’t just Medicate People… And one of his Favorite parts of his job is Counseling his Patients… So many Doctors Don’t Say Shit… This Guy actually likes to talk to you… Make a Plan… And he’s Brilliant to Boot

    Maybe he can refer someone in England, he specializes in International Medicine I believe, so he probably knows Docs from all over the world.

    All the best… Hang in there




    • Thanks so much for all this, Dark Jade, it’s good to know that someone has gone through something similar. It’s not that I want to come off them- they have helped so much, certainly more than some of the other ones- it’s just I fell off them because I ran out, but then rather than rush to the doctors and get my prescription re-issued, I thought I’d wait it out. It was a terrible idea. I’m looking forward to taking them again, some of my awful traits have returned and they’re playing havoc with my head. In all honesty I’m too scared to not take them because I know what happens. It may be medicated happiness, but it’s more tolerable than the alternative.

      I’m sorry to hear about your mood swings- that must have been so hard for you to deal with. The floor melting away sounds so terrifying too 😦

      I’m okay with my doctors at the moment, and I sort of know where to go if I ever needed anything else. It’s just hard sometimes because the problems aren’t physical and so a lot of people can’t see the impact. I’m just feeling cranky because my body’s reacting to the lack of meds, I am sure I’ll be okay in a couple of days 🙂 I just really hope the intentional facial tensing subsides, it’s starting to bother me now!


    • The mood swings only lasted a week or two, but yeah, when we mess with our chemistry, it really messes with us

      Hopefully the Facial Tensing will subside once you’re body is back on the meds, and adjusted to being on them again as well

      Yeah, I don’t have issues about medications… Like I say, it’s largely about Quality of Life… Whether we need them because of something we’ve got going on from Our Gene Pool, Environmental, Emotional or whatever… All we can do is try to create as much Balance in Our Life as possible… However we need to do that, the End Result is pretty much the most Important thing.

      I know you’re not American, but I’m goina go ahead and Wish you a Happy Thanksgiving anyway… I just got finished making Stuffing for Tomorrow’s Turkey… Yes I will be Stuffing it in the Inners of a Headless Bird in the Morn Time, Lol

      Eh, I Love to Cook, and I Love the Holidays… It’s when I get to see the hand full of relatives I can actually stand, Lol

      All the Best Anna, I’m Definitely Thankful to have you in My ‘Life’Sphere’, whether ‘Blog’o’Sphere’, or other, Lol

      You’re a Treasure to be sure<—Says in Best Pirate Voice, Lol

      Feel Better



  2. How you can be depressed when you know me is uncomprehendable.

    Anyway, I love you. *hugs* You’re my favourite e-person.

    Voila, you’re cured. 🙂


    • I read this at work and you literally made my face explode into a smile. I love you too, and you’re absolutely right. I might need some sort of miniature Pete to keep in my pocket to cheer me up on the dark days. The whole world would be much happier if everyone had miniature Petes.

      Oh, and for added joy on this miserable evening, search for ‘coughing’ on Google Images, and enjoy the various people giving blowjobs to invisble men.


    • Hahahaha! I don’t know how you think of this shit, the most disturbing thing is there are little kids doing it!!

      I think I need to get on Dragon’s Den and offer them a 3% stake for £10,000,000 on my Miniature Pete Awesomeness Co. Then when I get the money, just retire. 😀


    • AHEM… when *we* get the money!


    • Ahem, but of course 😀


  3. I like your drawing. Good luck with the meds 🙂


  4. Thanks, now I’ll never be able to cough again without thinking that I’m looking like I’m giving a blowjob to an invisible man.


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