This is a post with a few interesting things you don’t know about me. Well, I say ‘interesting’. It’s more the result of an alcohol-fuelled late night session with a bag of McCoys and a laptop. I hope you enjoy!
I was nearly on an episode of Noel’s House Party
You guys must remember Noel’s House Party? It was in the same television era as Gladiators and the Generation Game. All excellently terrible shows, if I do say so myself- evening family entertainment which included ritual humiliation of various contestants. Perfection! Noel’s House Party was hosted by the fantastically creepy Noel Edmonds, who now hosts Deal Or No Deal, and the show included my childhood character favourite of Mr. Blobby. Thinking about it now, I had so much Mr. Blobby merch it sort of bordered on obsession. But if you can’t love a big, pink nonsensical television monster, who can you love, right?
Where was I? Oh yes! I almost ended up on the show… I can’t remember exactly how it happened, but I remember I called through to enter a competition, and the prize was to be in the audience during one of the shows. I must have thought this was a prize beyond all belief as, defying all logic that could possibly be understood by a seven year old, I called through to enter the competition. It was all very exciting, and then I got a phone call back from one of the people who worked on the show… wanting to confirm I was over 18. I took a deep breath as a seven year old and put on my best ‘adult’ voice, which probably sounded like a cross between me vomiting and doing an Australian accent, as the lady on the phone didn’t believe me. I got scared and passed her onto my Dad, and when they hung up he told me that Noel was happy I entered the competition, but because I wasn’t 18, I couldn’t go to the show.
I then spent the rest of the night hiding behind the sofa, waiting for the police to come. I was pretty sure Noel had reported me to the police, and I was terrified Mr Blobby was going to hate me.
I had an argument with the director Rex Bloomstein
This was during University; I was in my third year, studying History, and this particular module was entitled something along the lines of ‘Nazis and Cinema’. It was a very interesting course, we were able to watch Nazi films and also a great number of films made following the war which represented Nazi Germany or the experience of people during the war. Once such film was Kz (2006) by Rex Bloomstein, a documentary of the concentration camp in Mauthausen, Austria, the tours that go on around it, and the people that live in the nearby town.
The University were able to arrange for Bloomstein to attend one of our seminars, where we would engage in a question-and-answer session. I asked the first question- there is a part in this particular documentary where one of the tour guides is stood outside a bar which is a very short distance away from the concentration camp. The tour guide commenting that he found it difficult to comprehend how people can enjoy themselves singing, dancing, drinking at a place that is so near to somewhere where so many people died. My question for the director was if he, personally, felt that people should be able to move on from such tragedy- should these people be allowed to enjoy themselves if they like, so close to somewhere where such destruction took place? When is the right time to move on?
He started yelling, ‘Well it’s only a short distance, so who cares?! It’s only right next door, so who cares about that?! I mean it’s not like hundreds of thousands of people died, right? Yeah, GO AND ENJOY YOURSELF IF YOU WANT- IT’S ONLY A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY!’
He wouldn’t stop repeating himself. He yelled at me for minutes on end- I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t actually the one having a drink in Austria, nor had I stated my own viewpoint. I let him ramble on until one of the lecturers had to interject to get him to answer another question. Then my friend asked him what he thought of ‘entertainment films like Schindler’s List’, to which his response was, ’IF YOU WANT TO CALL THAT ENTERTAINMENT, GO AHEAD BITCH!’.
Well, I added the ‘bitch’ part, but the rest of it is totally true. He was a total arse, and it made me laugh. It was informative even if most of the time he was yelling. Personally I think we should preserve History in all its forms, though you should not deny people the opportunity to move on. For the people of Mauthausen, it isn’t fair to let them live under a cloud of grey for the rest of their lives, especially as the majority of the population now did not have any direct connection to what went on there. Of course we are all connected- but it is a difficult one to call. I perhaps could have explained that if his head hadn’t exploded.
I once performed at Disneyland without any shoes
I used to go to dance class, every week, for years and years. I have medals in Ballet, Tap, Modern and Latin American, though I stopped it as I got more into Senior School and had different priorities. Nowadays my dancing compromises of me flailing around, some people have commented I dance ‘like a fairy’ and I am quite happy with that. But during the time where I was at dance class, one year we all went to Disneyland in Paris to perform a routine there. This was the first time I’d been and I was rather excited- and although it rained for most of the time, we did have a good time, except for two things: 1) Performing without shoes; 2) Nearly dying on the way home.
1) We had a Lion King dance thing going on and then we had a quick change into some other outfit. I remember during the Lion King part I was a lion (huzzah!), and then for the second dance I had to change into something else, but the actual outfit escapes me. Anyway, during the quick change, I didn’t have time to put on my shoes- it was a horrendous scramble, sequins flying everywhere, make-up remover being slapped on to get rid of the lion face, blue drag queen-esque eyeshadow being applied in a hurry to make my 10 year old face look more attractive (yes, I know it’s creepy)… and I got everything done. Except the shoes! I didn’t think much of it at the time, as we were just on stage anyway, but my Dad was filming the whole thing, and when we got home and watched the tape, you can hear some woman behind him comment, ‘Good God, that girl doesn’t have any shoes!’. My professional career was in tatters from that day onwards.
2) If no shoes wasn’t bad enough, the bus driver fell asleep on the way home (back in the UK), swerved off the road and nearly killed us all. We had to all sleep in a bus station so another bus could pick us up, and it was in the papers and everything. Best thing though? I was asleep through the entire fucking thing. I was pretty happy with that.
So what about you guys? What are some interesting things we don’t know about you? Leave your answers in the comments below! 🙂