The woman in the public toilets with the gold teeth was freaking me out. She wore Christmas leggings and large hoop earrings, and as she scratched her crotch, her lanky blonde hair wobbled a bit. She leaned over the sink and leered at me… or she might have just smiled. I just wasn’t sure… I was almost convinced I was going to be molested. The Christmas leggings were putting me on edge.
‘You know what, love? You know what? Nothing…’ – she paused dramatically for effect, though she might have just been passing wind, ‘… nothing beats a day-old chocolate given as a d-delicate gift from the fellows at the curry house from the night before’.
She shoved something in her mouth. I hoped it was chocolate.
‘Plus, I didn’t know what a trench coat was until I worked at Marks and Spencer’, she added casually. Then she sniffed and scratched her crotch some more, and then she was gone… I could have breathed a sigh of relief had the air not been full of the glamorous scent of urine.