Bunny Waffles


I held in my hands an exact replica of my college common room, complete with imaginary kitchen. It was finely crafted from bits of cardboard and blue-tac, and was set in a box which once contained a ‘Paint Your Own Lamp’ kit; the dreams of old. My friend Claire had made this for me years ago and I was fighting for its right to survival.

‘But I can’t throw it out… look at the imaginary microwave!’

I was moving out my Dad’s house into a flat above a lingerie shop. Sexy, flat-based times were to be had, and I simply had no room in my new place for all the crap from my old place, not with all the lingerie I was planning on stealing.

‘If you’re not taking it, why not just throw it away?’, my father implored, evidently unaware of the joys of potential loft adventures and moving all my old stuff. It would have been totally awesome. He didn’t seem convinced.

‘But it’s the logic, the logic of… memories!

There was my first jewellery box with the little magical noise, the SpongeBob I had won at hook-a-duck four years ago whose arm had fallen off, but whom I didn’t have the heart to throw out, and a large painting of the Last Supper which I had mysteriously acquired from one of my teachers at senior school. She had given it to me in the spirit of the Da Vinci Code when her grandfather had passed away, and my journey home from school that day with a 3 foot painting of Jesus held in my atheist hands was remarkably uneventful. But then I did have Jesus’s face in my armpit- no-one wuz gonna try no shit.

‘Why do you even still need this?’

‘No-one wuz gonna try no shit’.

‘I… I don’t know what you just said’.

‘Dad, it would be disrespecting the dead to throw it away’.

‘Isn’t it more disrespectful to leave it rotting in the loft?’

‘No. It’ll be like the Picture of Dorian Gray. Somewhere, somehow… Jesus is getting prettier’.

This entry was published on 01/07/2012 at 00:01. It’s filed under Weird & Wonderful and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

4 thoughts on “Memories

  1. LOL!! I imagine all the Christian’s will be going ape shit over that photo 😀 but he is a sexy bitch I’ll give him that.

    I’ve recently had to come to some difficult decisions throwing crap away I don’t want/use anymore, like old underwear that I’ve owned since I was 15, they kept my balls upright for so many years, to just throw them a way is spitting in the face of respect. But alas it had to be done 😦


    • I have some underwear I got from a Spanish market (just wait, it gets more disturbing…) that has a picture of a happy crab on them. They don’t fit me anymore, but I can’t bear to throw them away, not with his happy crab face looking up at me, and such.


    • Hahahaha! “Do you want to see the knickers that’s covered in crabs?”

      As if you can resist the urge to say that to someone!


  2. Holy Hell that Picture, Lol…

    Ok, now I’m going to be thinking about Happy Crab Underwear… But I must thank you, as if not for that, than I fear I might have thought about Pete’s Underwear, and that’s just not good… At least not for me, Lol



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